Parents who choose to chaperone their children at concerts are one of the most silently courageous yet under-praised groups of people in the concert scene and it is an absolute outrage. They are deserving of a little praise for all their heroic efforts. Here is an ode I wrote as a tribute to them.
Oh parents who chaperone their children at concerts,
Your heroic efforts have gone vastly unnoticed by society, but not by me.
The lack of sleep you already know you will be getting would scare off some parents from taking on this brave endeavor, but not you.
Drive-thru racer and green light chaser,
You tune out the deafening roar of your daughter and her friends in the backseat as you speed through intersections.
The skill with which you slide the mini-van into a front row parking spot is unparalleled by anything seen in Tokyo Drift or by professional drifters.
You have more supplies than Hermoine Granger's bottomless bag, ready for anything from tears over the band's appearance on stage to blisters that cut into the girls' trendy but chafing white pairs of Converse.
Your commanding voice instantly scares venue employees that are testing your patience with slow water refills into submission.
The selflessness with which you turn your back on the comfort and relative tranquility of the balcony to join your daughter and her friends in the pit rivals Mother Theresa or even Gandhi.
Some parents might be busy swaying to the beat or getting lost in their Facebook feeds, but not you.
You have an important job to do.
Your eyes sweep the crowd with a prison guard attentiveness for any creepy older boys attempting to dance on your daughter or puffs of cigarette smoke drifting your daughter's way.
The sweat of the strangers around you is clinging to your skin, and the BO mixed with cigarette smoke is mixing into a sickening aroma, but you bravely soldier on.
Some people might wait in the crowds for a while after the concert to exit the venue, but not you.
With a Marine stealth, you form a chain with your daughter and her friends that almost resembles a preschool safety rope, and you slink smoothly past the crowds to the exit.
The buzz of your alarm clock that is set to go off in just a few short hours is already echoing in your mind but you wait for another hour after the concert just so your daughter and her friends can meet the band by their tour bus.
And even after all of this, you manage to hustle everyone to the car and then safely to their beds, leaving enough time for a precious few hours' sleep before work.
Here's to you, parental concert chaperones.
Keep selflessly volunteering your time to this cause because one day your children might actually appreciate it.